Why Do They Call it a Blow Job?

Posted: 665 days ago in Everything Else Sex & Relationships

Loli

Thinking about a blow job doesn’t keep me awake at night, but why it’s called that is something I have pondered over the years.

Haven’t you?

As long as I can remember, I’ve always told my patients that there are no dumb questions. But the truth is, I’ve gotten some pretty dumb ones in my twenty-five years of practice. Like the guy who asked if I would lie down next to him before his treatment to relax him. WTF??! Or the woman with 6 children under the age of 5 who couldn’t understand why she was so tired all the time. Come on, really??

This is not one of the dumb ones, since I’ve yet to figure out the answer.

Why do they call it a blow job?

This question came to me from a young woman in her first intimate relationship, who, believe it or not, asked my advice on how to give great oral sex. (I’m still trying to figure out what it was about me that led her to believe that I could offer her good advice!).

I’ve been around the block a few hundred times, and I can tell you that if I were in charge of naming sexual acts, it wouldn’t be called a blow job — it would be called a suck job.

Before you start commenting that blowing on your guy’s private parts can feel good, let me say that yes, it can feel good — great even — but the blow is not the majority of the job, is it?

And while we’re at it, let’s talk about the female version of the blow job. Can we call it a lick job, instead of a muff-dive? Wouldn’t telling your partner you’re in the mood for a lick job be better than suggesting/begging them to go down on us? “Hey, any chance I could get a lick job before we go out for dinner?”. Yeah, that sounds much better, doesn’t it?

The Danger in a Blow Job

Not only is the term blow job majorly misleading, it can be downright deadly. Yes, you heard it here, people. Having air blown into your penis or vagina can kill you.

Here’s what can happen: when air is forcibly blown into your privates, a bubble can form and make its way into your blood stream, blocking the flow of blood to your heart, brain, or other organs. This air bubble acts just like a clot, and can result in a stroke if it ends up in your brain, or heart attack if ends up in your heart. It’s called an air embolism. This most commonly occurs in scuba divers if they rise to the surface too quickly, or after a chest trauma or surgery. Symptoms include difficulty breathing, chest pain, mental or neurological changes and a bluish hue to the skin, and should be treated as a medical emergency.

That’s serious business, folks. It’s much more likely to happen in pregnant women than men, or women on the whole, but still, do you want to risk that shit for a little experimentation?

So in matters of oral sex play please, please, stick to the suck-lick variety, and step away from the blow.

Join in the fight to spread awareness.
#saynotoblowjobs #suckisthenewblow

Love is in the Details

Posted: 801 days ago in Sex & Relationships

loveisinthedetails

My hottie husband treats me really, really well every day.

That’s not a brag, either. We all deserve to have partners who love us and treat us like we are the cat’s meow, don’t we?

So why do I feel just a little bit bitchy if we don’t “do” the Valentine’s Day thing? I mean, I’ll take 365 days of an amazing husband over one day of flowers and candy any time. And I don’t really want to go to an overcrowded restaurant on amateur night, nor do I want him to spend $75 bucks on a $25 bouquet of flowers.

I guess I’m just as vulnerable as the next girl to the media’s expectation of romance. But I don’t want to be.

In fact, last year, I splurged on a couple’s massage for the two of us, envisioning a mid-week rendezvous while the girls were home doing schoolwork. 

In reality… We rushed out the door into a cold, rainy night. The massage was a bit awkward, as our therapists communicated by whispering in our ears so as not to disturb our partners. So exhausted from our long days, we both fell asleep on our massage table. To top it off, instead of a post-massage glass of wine and make-out session, we wiped the drool from our sheet-creased faces and stumbled home in a stupor. All in all, it was really a creepy, somewhat un-fulfilling experience.

ROMANCE FAIL!

True romance isn’t reserved for one cold day in mid-February. True romance is making a smoothie for your partner every single morning without complaint, even if you don’t really want to. Or, cleaning the kitchen every single night after Hurricane Tania obliterates it (yet again). And even staying up late to help your honey prepare for an early morning meeting.

loveisinthedetails-textMaybe this year I’ll give Hallmark the metaphorical finger and delight in the fact that I get to wake up next to my forever-boyfriend every morning, with or without the obligatory card and candy. 

What do you think?

Don’t be a Douche

Posted: 909 days ago in Health Pregnancy Sex & Relationships Wellness

dont-be-a-douche

I’m not referring to that rude guy that makes sexist comments to you at work every day (though yes, he does qualify as a douche bag). I’m talking about douching, as in vaginal hygiene.

Don’t be a douche bag, and don’t use one, either. Not to clean shop after your period, or after sex, and never, ever to try to prevent pregnancy. That doesn’t work AT ALL.

I’m not sure how many of you use douching as part of your feminine hygiene, but based on the shelf space that is dedicated to it in my local grocery store and pharmacy — plenty of you are.

Here’s why you shouldn’t douche: Your vagina does a great job of cleaning herself!

Yup, she’s a self-sufficient kinda gal, and her discharge is nature’s way of keeping bad stuff out… like how your nose will run or eyes will tear when something irritates them.

Normal discharge should be clear-to-milky white-ish, and have no odor other than what is normal for you. If you’re ovulating, your discharge will change slightly and become a white stretchy consistency. But – a clumpy yellow-green or white odoriferous discharge, accompanied by itching or burning indicates a problem that should be checked by your doctor or midwife ASAP, okay?

Douching washes away the protective and cleansing fluids that are supposed to be in your vagina. Regular use of douches can irritate the lining of the vagina and lead to yeast infections and pelvic inflammatory disease. Even worse, douching can cause serious complications in pregnancy, and an increased risk of cervical cancer.

Uh – no thank you!

I think many women get hung up on the smell thing, am I right?  You never want your man to know you smell like anything other than lavender, orange zest, and daisies.

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Well, I hate to break it to you, but the truth is, healthy vaginas have a distinct scent to them, and that’s just the way it is. Power-washing with vinegar, antiseptics and fragrances will not make it go away for more than a few moments, and does far more harm than good.

Here are some take-aways to live by when caring for your lady parts:

  1. Get to know what is normal for you
  2. Practice regular, daily hygiene
  3. Wash with mild, unscented soaps (on the outside parts only, please!)
  4. Wear breathable panties (cotton is typically best for this)  

That’s it. That’s all your girl needs to stay happy and healthy.

The Big O

Posted: 921 days ago in Sex & Relationships

thebig-orgasm

Yup. “That O”. As in Orgasm.

As in “Oh God Oh God Oh God……..YES!”.

I think it’s a bit unfair that the great majority of men can pretty much count on sex ending in orgasm for them. I’d venture to say it’s a given, isn’t it, barring any coitus interruptus from a three-year old barging into the room?

With a loving and attentive partner, and possibly a little help from a friend like Lelo, most women can hope to orgasm with sex, too…

…..after about 15 or 20 minutes.

You see, in the world of orgasms, men are the microwaves and women are the crock-pots. That’s not a bad thing, it’s just a different thing. Microwave popcorn is awesome, and so is beef stew that’s been simmering all afternoon.

The trick is how to have – uh – dinner ready at the same time when you are cooking with both appliances.

It just takes a little creativity. Perhaps the crock-pot should be turned on well before the microwave’s ‘start’ button is pushed. And – while you’re at it, make sure all the food in the crock-pot has really started to simmer and get nice and juicy, too. Only then should the microwave be turned on.

It’s all about the timing.

Bon Appetite (wink wink)

I’m Listening…

Posted: 935 days ago in Sex & Relationships

Imlistening
After years of running a practice, meeting and talking with people day-in-and-day-out, I think I’ve come to an understanding of what it takes to really connect with someone.

This, coming from a girl whose inner child is as introverted and shy as can be – but as a doctor, you almost have to be outgoing. Think about it: how could I help others without first asking them questions about themselves? You can’t, so that’s exactly what I do. I spend a lot of time asking my patients about their health and any concerns they are having. What I find is that this mentality clears the path for them to share even more about themselves, and about their lives.

The secret, my dear readers, is in asking questions and then listening!

Can you believe it? One of the greatest skills in becoming a people person isn’t necessarily what you have to say about yourself. Instead, it’s the questions you ask others, and then, how well you listen to their answers!

Not to mention, it gets you off the hot seat. When you ask someone – anyone, a question about themselves and then truly listen, you can learn a lot about them. After all, everyone has a story they’re just dying to tell, if only someone would ask.

If anyone says I’m a good conversationalist, it’s only because I asked the right questions. Asking someone, “where did you get that cool looking yoga mat?” or, “what do you think of this conference so far?” – all of these things get people to open up, ultimately sharing their realities with you.

Don’t be calculated, either. Just be truly curious about people! There is nothing more awkward than sitting in a room full of people who aren’t talking. So I challenge you! Be the person who breaks the silence. Find something that you like about someone else, or something that intrigues you and then use that as a way to spark up a conversation.

You’ll be surprised at who you meet and what you learn. Good stuff!

Sticking Together

Posted: 970 days ago in Sex & Relationships

sitcking-together

My best childhood friend was doing her residency in radiology while she was pregnant.

Her boss, another female doctor, made it very clear that she was not to expect any concession for her condition, and in fact, was harder on her than any of the other doctors.

Really, sister? Was that necessary?

Michele is one of the smartest and hardest-working women I know, who does way more than is expected of her every time. It upsets me still that some women seem to delight in taking other women down. I am definitely not a flag-waving feminist, but don’t we have enough to deal with, considering glass-ceilings and pay inequality? Wouldn’t it be nice to know that you have guaranteed support from your home team?

We’re not in high-school any more, Dorothy.

Tearing someone down does not build you up. Some men and women alike don’t deserve your support, but undermining another woman out of jealousy or spitefulness does not look good on you.

I personally pinch myself every day when I think of the team I was blessed with throughout my time in practice: three smart, accomplished, and beautiful (ahem) female doctors, supported by equally smart, accomplished and beautiful support team members. Although we don’t work together now, we love each other dearly, worked like a well-oiled machine, and still support one another to this day.

So, just be kind to your own kind. There is a whole lot more to gain in building each other up, than there is in tearing someone down.

You feel me, ladies?

I Know You’re Tired. Have Sex Anyway!

Posted: 991 days ago in Sex & Relationships

sex-anywaydivider2I’m talking to those of you in committed relationships.

If this does not describe you: tuck this away for the day that you will crave sleep more than sex. I promise you, that day will come. I can pick you out a mile away. You have bags under your eyes and wear elastic waist pants. But more than that, there is absolutely no spring in your step.

I get it.

You are busy with __________ (fill in the blank: Babies. Teens. Work. Life). There aren’t enough hours in the day to get done all that you need to, much less anything that you want to.

Guess what? We are all tired. Pretty much all the time.

However, those of us who look like we are not, or who seem not to care that we are, look like that and act like that because we are having sex. Even if we didn’t really want to when our significant others got that look in their eye, we faked it until we felt it, and in the end (especially after a really good end!), we are glad that we did.

You see, connecting with your partner in that most intimate, special way is food for the soul. It is a moment that you take for each other, and yourselves, to celebrate all that you have together. Even if you only have time for a quickie, I guarantee you that your attitude and energy will have totally shifted. In any relationship, you are either moving towards each other or away from each other. Putting intimacy on the back burner is one surefire way to begin moving apart. Not to mention, no amount of sleep can make you look as good as a great orgasm can!

If you are lucky enough to have someone special in your life that wants to have sex with you, and that you want to have sex with, too – just do it. You’ll be glad you did.

Over and over again…

Know Your Love Languages

Posted: 1032 days ago in Sex & Relationships

love-language-720

Yesterday was lovely.  

One of my favorite places to practice hot yoga – Prana Studio in Annapolis, MD – had a fundraiser for the Africa Yoga Project. We practiced for 90 minutes in the most beautiful setting – an open barn on a farm of rolling fields. I chatted with Liz, a fellow yogi for a few minutes, and had an “A-Ha” moment that I just had to write about.

Essentially, Liz said that she and her fiancé had discussed the three ways they each feel loved. A.k.a. their “love languages.”

For instance, food makes him feel loved, and exercise does it for her but not vice versa. So though he enjoys cooking, and she appreciates that she doesn’t have to, coming home to a romantic meal would not get her juices flowing. However, if she came home to find the kayak out for a sunset paddle, he would definitely be getting some that night. Conversely, if she wanted to do something special for him, she should have a personal chef come cook a great dinner for the two of them rather than plan a day hike.

Understand their love languages?

For me, dishes are the new foreplay. I love a clean house, but organization is not one of my strong points. When I come home to find my hot husband has cleaned the kitchen / vacuumed the living room – watch out, because it’s ON!

For my husband it’s acts of service like foot and back rubs, making his protein shake every morning, planning travel adventures for us to enjoy, and loving on our dogs (his kids) — and for me when he loves on the girls. I think our acknowledgement of each other’s love languages is what makes our relationship so strong.

If you’re new to the idea of love languages: the idea was officially coined in 1995 by author Gary Chapman with his book, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. I’ll briefly list the love languages here as a starting point, but as you can see by Liz’s story above, you can improvise your love languages to be specific to you and your mate.

divider2So here we go, the five [official] love languages:

  1. Words of Affirmation – “I love you,” “I’m so proud of you,” “you’re doing great babe.”
  2. Quality Time – self explanatory.
  3. Gifts – again, self explanatory.
  4. Acts of Service – cleaning, cooking, doing the laundry, etc.
  5. Physical Touch – once again, self-explanatory.

divider2And no sense in spinning your wheels, right? If you’re lucky enough to have a love in your life, and have the motivation to do something nice for them, make it worth your while and speak the love languages that they understand.

XO.

Childbirth is Hot

Posted: 1049 days ago in Parenting Sex & Relationships

childbirthishot

Giving birth makes you sexy.

OK, maybe not sexy-sexy, but it will blow your partner’s mind, in a good way.

If experiencing birth is empowering – and it most definitely is – then witnessing it is awe-inspiring.

My good friends Susan and Loren came to visit and show off their little bambina. I had to restrain myself from nibbling on her delicious chubbiness, but I digress.

The look in Loren’s eyes as he described the strength of his beloved as she brought Emerson into this world was so dear. His reverence for Susan, though enviable to start, was palpable as he described being speechless and in awe of her abilities. Loren is definitely not the guy voted most likely to cry at Hallmark commercials, BTW, so this display of emotion was unexpected. In fact, he is a big, bad*ss looking, hunk-a-burnin’ love. Which is why I know his soft, creamy center must have really been cracked wide open to be moved to tears like he was in sharing this story.

The moral of this story? For the ladies, it’s to find inspiration in your own strength like others do. For the men, don’t forget to tell your new mama how truly proud you are of her. And I wish for all of my expectant readers who will one day give birth, a story like this one.

For those of you who already have a story and a partner like this, cherish the love.

heart

Pity Party So Hard

Posted: 1082 days ago in Sex & Relationships

pityparty

Boy, I had a doozy of a pity party for myself yesterday.  

Whether it was the result of too little sleep, too long a winter (that somehow continued into May), too many carbs or too few fitness classes – I may never know. Probably a combination of all of those things, sprinkled with crashing estrogen levels to boot.

All I know is, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed and stayed there.

Now, I’m a huge proponent of ‘faking it till you feel it’. I don’t have many bad days, but when I do, I can usually shake it off with a big smile and some kind words to someone – myself or a friend.

Yesterday, not so much. 

You wanna know what I finally did? I surrendered to the cause. Just like I preach listening to your body – resting and nurturing your body when it feels run down – I decided to rest and nurture my spirit. I marched myself up to my room, had a good boo-hoo (about what, I still don’t know), and read something inspirational. After a bit of a snooze, I tip-toed through my day with less of the vim and vigor than usual.

I was gentle with myself. And you know what? It worked.  

Today is a much better day, even though it’s dreary and my to-do list is catch-up long. If you have an occasional blue day, be gentle with your self, too.  And if your blue days outnumber your good ones, then please, please, talk to a counselor or therapist about that.

It happens to the best of us.

So much love,