Sticking Together

Posted: 1607 days ago in Sex & Relationships

sitcking-together

My best childhood friend was doing her residency in radiology while she was pregnant.

Her boss, another female doctor, made it very clear that she was not to expect any concession for her condition, and in fact, was harder on her than any of the other doctors.

Really, sister? Was that necessary?

Michele is one of the smartest and hardest-working women I know, who does way more than is expected of her every time. It upsets me still that some women seem to delight in taking other women down. I am definitely not a flag-waving feminist, but don’t we have enough to deal with, considering glass-ceilings and pay inequality? Wouldn’t it be nice to know that you have guaranteed support from your home team?

We’re not in high-school any more, Dorothy.

Tearing someone down does not build you up. Some men and women alike don’t deserve your support, but undermining another woman out of jealousy or spitefulness does not look good on you.

I personally pinch myself every day when I think of the team I was blessed with throughout my time in practice: three smart, accomplished, and beautiful (ahem) female doctors, supported by equally smart, accomplished and beautiful support team members. Although we don’t work together now, we love each other dearly, worked like a well-oiled machine, and still support one another to this day.

So, just be kind to your own kind. There is a whole lot more to gain in building each other up, than there is in tearing someone down.

You feel me, ladies?

Inner Circle

Posted: 1881 days ago in Sex & Relationships

boysHave you ever seen the posts where childhood pictures are recaptured in what seems like the same place, with the same people, in the same clothes?

They’re pretty neat.

I especially love the ones where there is a group of friends, re-creating their “moment in history.” It reminds me of the movie, ‘The Sandlot.’ A similar picture hangs on my wall. It’s of a bunch of little boys, aged 10 or so. The banner on the picture says, “Camp Wilson Mini-Bike Camp,” circa 1978. 

Last weekend, I witnessed as the same group of boys (excuse me, men) sat around a fire, 35 years later, acting pretty much like they were still 10.

How many of us are lucky enough to have the same core group of friends that we had at Mini-Bike/Girl Scout camp? Not many, I’m guessing!

Lucky you if you have your inner circle. If you have it – nurture it, always.

Is it too late for those of us who don’t?

(Now, where did I put that yearbook…)

The Relationship Tripod

Posted: 1928 days ago in Sex & Relationships

friendshipsI don’t envy people too often because it’s not good for the whole “balance of the universe” thing. But speaking of balance, I want to introduce you all to a philosophy of mine; ‘the relationship tripod’.

Relationships in life are like a tripod. You have your partner, kids, and friends. If you don’t have those other legs of the stool, friendships are even more important. It’s the reason I envied my husband for a long time; because he has maintained truly intimate relationships with people he’s known since kindergarten.

I myself, have moved around a lot, and don’t really have an inner circle of women who I’ve had a long history with. I’m sure many of you would agree that having that is important. Long-time friends are the ones that have a girl’s back no matter what – because they know you for who you are.

I’m talking about the “back door” friends who show up for coffee. Tight-knit friendships are like chosen family. With these relationships comes the ease of not having to put on your “best face.” So much in life is not easy; it’s just nice to know that if you need a proverbial “cup of sugar” that you never have to feel bad for asking.

I was so happy when I had my kids; I really bonded with a few moms. Those early days of parenthood are truly unifying. We were confidants. We traveled together. It was fun, and I was really enjoying the relationships. Unfortunately, those friendships suffered irreparably during my divorce. For a while, I mourned the loss of those women in my life more than I did my marriage. I missed my “daily peeps.”

I’ve reached a new balance point, and it started with a different outlook due to some advice I had received. That advice was that you need to intentionally make more effort to create a great friendship. So if you’re like me, trying to grow your circle of friends; put yourself out there, and don’t be afraid of rejection. The outcome is well worth the risk. I realized that friendships come and go, but this shouldn’t disdain someone from having friends. I am thankful to have a lot of wonderful women in my life again, but it took time to get here.

For the record: I in no way want to minimize the importance of those people who have truly, always been there for me. I am so thankful for those few, but they’re not always “geographically accessible.”

So, invest in your relationships, lean on them, and they will last a lifetime. I want to share a text I received from a good friend of mine after she came for a visit recently. “I love that we are so easy, thank you so much for feeding my soul exactly what it needed this weekend.”

I wish that for all of my dear readers – easy, soul fulfilling friendships.

I Love You Because You’re Sensitive. I Hate You Because You’re Sensitive.

Posted: 1983 days ago in Sex & Relationships

IloveyoubutihateyouRecently, I found myself having the identical talk with my daughter as I had with one of my besties. It seems that the same qualities that attracted them to their boyfriend and husband, have now become a source of irritation and conflict. I can relate; can you? Braden and I were taking a walk after dinner recently, and I shared the above with him. “Uh-oh. So what is it about me that irritates you now?!” Thankfully, the irritation is tiny, but it is real nonetheless.

Wellllllll…. since he asked: One of the first things that struck me about Braden when we met was his generosity. He is the guy who will offer his time, energy, stuff and money without a second thought. That is a lovely trait, and one that I continue to be the benefactor of every single day. He is my ‘yes’ guy, and I love him so much for that and so many other reasons. However. **Yup, I’m breaking the rules we have laid out for our kids, i.e. don’t disqualify what you say with a ‘but’ or ‘however’ because nothing good ever seems to follow a ‘but’ or a ‘however’! However, I’m going there.

Sometimes, not often, but sometimes, I get irritated that Braden is always the guy who steps up with his generosity. I can’t believe I said that, because it makes me seem so petty, trite and controlling. But I yam who I yam.

My response to my kid and my friend was a lesson that I needed to learn myself. Continue to honor the qualities that you first found appealing in your mate. If you found his ambition and drive attractive, try not to criticize him for working long hours on an important project. If you find yourself being resentful of the time your partner spends at the gym, remember that you were attracted to him or her for their fit body. I’m gonna get a little deep here, but if you are attracted to someone because they are passionate about something, you have to support that passion, even if it takes them away from you sometimes. They can be passionate about you AND other things; it’s what makes them so interesting and lovely to be around!

And while you’re at it, be sensitive to the things that you may be doing that irritate those that love you. Turn about is fair play! Meaning it is only fair to suffer what ye has caused others to suffer.

Dream Boards!

Posted: 1994 days ago in Everything Else

DREAMBOARD“What” do you want?

By “what” I don’t just mean “stuff“. I do mean “stuff also,” because if we’re all getting stuff, why not get the stuff that we want?

However, this is about everything we want; the relationship, the family, good health, and career. So if we don’t have a good three-dimensional vision of what exactly it is that we want for our lives, we’re quite likely not going to get it.

In fact, I believe that if we are not on a conscious path to get a certain result, experience, or thing, we tend to get the “universal leftovers.”

I am pretty sure no one wants that.

If you can’t see what you want, or have a hazy sight on your vision, this is what I suggest; make a dream board. A dream board is a fun way to put your wishes, goals, and dreams out into the universe.

Now, some of you may already know what I’m talking about, and some may not. Either way, it never hurts to revisit a dream board, and it also doesn’t hurt to get more intentional about what we want.

Now, I’m an arts-and-craftsy kind of girl so anything that has to do with a poster board, glue sticks, scissors, and a glass of wine gets my juices flowing (I added that last part in because all crafts are better with vino!).

A good friend of mine facilitated a dream board party for group of my girlfriends and me. All the guests contributed to the party by bringing poster board, magazines, and a snack to share. My girlfriend is a great “lead-by-example” kind of girl, and since she has had some considerable work experience with Tony Robbins, she kicked off the evening with a very short message on creating the life of your dreams.

Then, we went to town…

She instructed us to cut out pictures and words of things that represented what we wanted out of this life. So you can be sure that I cut out a picture of that Michael Kors watch I was eying, but I also found yoga symbols, a picture of a happy family, and a woman of a certain age radiating good health to add to my board.

Like me, I’m sure you have a general idea of what you want in this world: to be happy, healthy, and successful, but that looks very different from you to me. You may not want my watch, my family, or my vacation, so if you don’t have clarity on what you want for your life, you just might get my sh*t. Good or bad. What makes me happy, might make you miserable. More reasons to be intentional!

With the mere act of having a clear picture of what I wanted, the universe was set in motion to bring it to me. So whether you are skeptical or not – I challenge you! Grab a friend (it’s much more fun as a group) and revisit your arts-and-crafts days of kindergarten. You might find that like an idealistic 5-year-old,  the world is your oyster so long as you can envision it.

Side note: They are meant to be looked at, celebrated, and internalized, so put your dream board in a place where it will be a constant reminder.